Saturday April 7, 2012

The love that never dies

Someone wise told me today that there is a ‘finality’ of life. That, that is why we are so afraid of letting go….because we cannot bear to say goodbye. Maybe, saying goodbye means to some that we have stopped fighting for something. Maybe for others, saying goodbye signals the ‘finality’ my friend was talking about. I think we fear, that if we let go, things will never be as they were again. Maybe we think, somewhere in our minds, that holding on means we still have some sort of control. That if we hold on forever… we can stop reality from becoming memories.

Its real.

I feel this fear, every time I visit my dad at his grave and cannot bear to leave. I feel this fear, every time I go inside before the sun drips away into the cascading blanket of the night. I fear, it may be the last time the sun ever touches my skin like it was at that moment. I fear, that may be the last time the rain ever looked so beautiful, falling from the leaves. I fear, if I let go of my father he will feel lonely. Or maybe, it’s just me that feels lonely without him. Maybe if I stay by his side, then we will be close again. And maybe if I never leave… we can be close forever….

I fear walking away from my father, or the sun or the rain…. but I still do it. Why? Because accepting the finality of life is part of becoming whole again. Because even the most beautiful things in life, do not last forever. The pages have to be turned or the story can never go on.

So…when you gather yourself together and begin to walk away; you realize that not a sunset.... not even death… can ever separate you from the life of your memories. The love, the joy the peace of the past is all just as real…just as alive, as it was the first moment you felt it.