Wednesday April 25, 2012
This week has introduced itself to me with some discouraging times. Thankfully, there has been a few treasures  that have touched my heart, so genuinely! I would love to share them with you! I hope these bring you a smile or even a comfort in whatever seasons of life you might be going through!: 

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place"♥♥

The Shins- Its Only Life- Tristan Coplet

Monday April 16th, 2012
My Dad who build me...
Yesterday marked a month since my dad was killed. It didn't hit me until today. I was listening to Miranda Lamberts song, "The house that built me," and thought about my dad's old car that is sitting in my driveway. The air conditioner doesn't work; and you cant open the passenger side door because I crashed it; and sometimes you have to step on the gas peddle to get the engine to catch in the morning! I have a brand new car sitting right next to it. Both doors open and close, the air conditioning and heat works, and the engine starts without hesitation (hahaha). These past few days God has done amazing things in my families life and mine! I feel so blessed! My life is moving forward! But today I paused. I walked upstairs and threw my new keys on the counter; opened my desk drawer to find the rusted key to my dad and I's car. And then I went driving...went driving so I could remember who I was to my dad. And that's what I realized... you have to go back to where you came from...so you wont get lost in where you are going.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

this brokenness inside me might start healing

with him its like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I can drive this car just one last time...

I swear I will bring it back

I wont take nothing but the memories

of my dad who built me.

This is the car my dad kept running through countless car crashes (ops...) just for me!  He gave me this car when I moved out. Let the family drive a car he hated so I could enjoy a freedom I had never tasted before. This was my dad and I's. I watched this car fall apart piece by piece. And my father came by, so patiently and put it back together again. He would work on the car, and attempt to teach me (hehehe) and then we would go up stairs and talk and laugh! I know it looks like a piece of junk to you...but when I drive it I see what my dad's hands worked to keep alive for so long. Just for me. 300,000 miles and this car still runs. I see this car and remember my dad and me. (I love thinking about him and me)  
Never, have I been so proud, of such an old piece of junk....

Saturday April 7, 2012

The love that never dies

Someone wise told me today that there is a ‘finality’ of life. That, that is why we are so afraid of letting go….because we cannot bear to say goodbye. Maybe, saying goodbye means to some that we have stopped fighting for something. Maybe for others, saying goodbye signals the ‘finality’ my friend was talking about. I think we fear, that if we let go, things will never be as they were again. Maybe we think, somewhere in our minds, that holding on means we still have some sort of control. That if we hold on forever… we can stop reality from becoming memories.

Its real.

I feel this fear, every time I visit my dad at his grave and cannot bear to leave. I feel this fear, every time I go inside before the sun drips away into the cascading blanket of the night. I fear, it may be the last time the sun ever touches my skin like it was at that moment. I fear, that may be the last time the rain ever looked so beautiful, falling from the leaves. I fear, if I let go of my father he will feel lonely. Or maybe, it’s just me that feels lonely without him. Maybe if I stay by his side, then we will be close again. And maybe if I never leave… we can be close forever….

I fear walking away from my father, or the sun or the rain…. but I still do it. Why? Because accepting the finality of life is part of becoming whole again. Because even the most beautiful things in life, do not last forever. The pages have to be turned or the story can never go on.

So…when you gather yourself together and begin to walk away; you realize that not a sunset.... not even death… can ever separate you from the life of your memories. The love, the joy the peace of the past is all just as real…just as alive, as it was the first moment you felt it. 

Friday April 6, 2012
A friend showed me these videos on youtube tonight! I don't remember the last time I have laughed so hard! If you have hard a hard day, these videos will do the trick! Enjoy! 

REMI GAILLARD

PAC MAN:

MARIO:

KANGAROO:

Thursday April 5, 2012
Low is a Height: Great Northern

Wednesday April 4, 2012
The Ache 
[Ashes into Beauty] 
I feel like death stole something from me. I claw at the walls, but still my anguish does not dissipate. Screaming, I throw and break things as I walk through the room. I calm down and look at the floor. Here  I am again- left with the broken pieces that were once beautiful things….and there is nothing. Nothing still that can bring him back. I revolt against the hurt, the change. Tragedy burns through me. Sears from loss pattern my heart.  I let the hurt show on my face. Tears fall and the ache runs free. The pain falls like drops of blood to the floor. My dad sits in the room with me. Holds my hand. We look at each other, and tears drip off my cheeks.  I feel each throb of my heart, pulse blood through my veins. Minutes and hours fly by, but I am lost. I have hidden away in the walls of my heart. The ache, the ache runs free. The memories, the memories come to life. These ashes these ashes turn into beauty. Oh, these ashes, will turn into beauty.

April 2, 2012
Madeleine Peyroux- Dance Me to the End of Love