Monday April 16th, 2012
My Dad who build me...
Yesterday marked a month since my dad was killed. It didn't hit me until today. I was listening to Miranda Lamberts song, "The house that built me," and thought about my dad's old car that is sitting in my driveway. The air conditioner doesn't work; and you cant open the passenger side door because I crashed it; and sometimes you have to step on the gas peddle to get the engine to catch in the morning! I have a brand new car sitting right next to it. Both doors open and close, the air conditioning and heat works, and the engine starts without hesitation (hahaha). These past few days God has done amazing things in my families life and mine! I feel so blessed! My life is moving forward! But today I paused. I walked upstairs and threw my new keys on the counter; opened my desk drawer to find the rusted key to my dad and I's car. And then I went driving...went driving so I could remember who I was to my dad. And that's what I realized... you have to go back to where you came from...so you wont get lost in where you are going.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

this brokenness inside me might start healing

with him its like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I can drive this car just one last time...

I swear I will bring it back

I wont take nothing but the memories

of my dad who built me.

This is the car my dad kept running through countless car crashes (ops...) just for me!  He gave me this car when I moved out. Let the family drive a car he hated so I could enjoy a freedom I had never tasted before. This was my dad and I's. I watched this car fall apart piece by piece. And my father came by, so patiently and put it back together again. He would work on the car, and attempt to teach me (hehehe) and then we would go up stairs and talk and laugh! I know it looks like a piece of junk to you...but when I drive it I see what my dad's hands worked to keep alive for so long. Just for me. 300,000 miles and this car still runs. I see this car and remember my dad and me. (I love thinking about him and me)  
Never, have I been so proud, of such an old piece of junk....