Lord,

I keep reading and thinking over these verses is Isaiah 62; where you completely restore, relentlessly pursue and passionately desire and then rename this town...this people. Jesus, the funny thing is that you call these people a 'her.' So naturally, I think of me and you. I think of how your desire for my heart is fierce and strong

" I will not keep silent nor remain quiet until her righteousness shines out like dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch (Isaiah 62: 1)." 

You will not relent, and I am so so thankful for that my sweet Jesus. I am so thankful for your pursuit of my heart, for just how you work. I am still in your presence Lord Jesus. 

But you don't end the story there...

Then you replace the heart of her memories. You replace the scar tissue from her past and make her heart soft again.

You stand before her as her mighty warrior

and you become her father.

You give her a new name

"No longer will they call her Deserted, or name her land Desolate. But she will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her) (Isaiah 62:4)" 

then you become her lover 

"...and her land Beulah (married) (Isaiah 62:4)"

and you take delight in her

" As a young man pursues a maiden, as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride so will your God rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:5)." 

You completely restore hopeless situations. I am overwhelmed at your goodness. As I read those verses I knew I was reading about your heart...about my story...about your love. I have new name now...delighted in....

I am overwhelmed by your grace, and although I do not understand it

thank you God.

you make all things new

Sunday June 2, 2013

Ephesians 3: 16- 21

" I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong IN love and built ON love. And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love- how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God."

I need Jesus. 

Like how the flowers need the sun 

like how the birds need the sky 

like how the wind needs the rain.

 I need Jesus 

like how a fire needs a match

 like how a boat needs the ocean

like how a child needs her tears.

 I need Jesus

 like how music needs a musicaian

 like how a woman needs love

like how a fish needs a river.

I need Jesus

like how I need air to breathe

like how I need sunshine to see

like I need love just to be me.

I need Jesus.

Josh Garrels
Sweet River Roll

May 29, 2013

I am proud to say I have graduated from Applied Life (my 9 month internship)! I am home now, and feel like I have been given a fresh start! The Lord has done such an amazing work in me, and thanks to Applied Life I have the foundation I need to move forward! I am thankful and exited and healed and ready to work hard to get where I know God has for me to be! If you have been praying, thank you- I have felt every one of your prayers. If you encouraged me to start blogging again... thank you, I needed the push;) If you have faithfully stuck by my side in all of this...thank you, you have blessed my life more than I have the words to thank you. If you have been a part of my life in any way good or bad, thank you; God has used those moments to teach me invaluable lessons. I am thankful for it all.

2 Corinthians 5:17

" If anyone belongs to Christ he (or she) is a new creation . The old things have gone; everything is made new." 

This scripture is my heart and soul right now:) It lets me taste just how deep and wide and vast and relentless my Saviors' love for me is. I am overwhelmed. It blows me away, has carried me when I could not move, chased me and pursued me, believed in me, felt my hurt, caught my tears, held me in lonely nights, rejoiced with me when the morning came, fought with me all this way, has gone before me to prepare the way but stays beside me at this very moment. My God holds my heart and the stars in the same hand. He is the maker of the heavens and earth but longs for our love. My God has made all things new. My past is gone, his grace and mercy have washed me, and here I am made right with him- a new creation. 

The power of this and really any scripture is our faith to believe it. We cannot merely read the word, we must believe with every ounce of our being that what God is promising us is truly ours. Because it is. That's when he can begin to truly move, when he has a willing heart expecting him to speak. He is good. It's always like springtime with him:) 

Monday December 3, 2012

There is something about the stars at night that makes my dad seem like he is not so far away. That somehow the sky is soft, and light and adorned with jewels. I lay on a blanket on the lawn- underneath the sweetness of my fathers spirit- somehow still with me, even when he is so far away. 

Tonight I dream of the sweetness of life. I sulk in every fluttering blessing in my life with a gratitude I cannot explain. The blessings seem so sweet not short, so eternal not temporary, so hopeful not hopeless. I am listening to Jon Thurlow and relief runs through my body like rain. Contentment kisses my soul- and I sit lacking nothing...in the love of Christ. Whole. Filled and Overflowing.  

Tuesday September 25, 2012

For the first time in years I have found myself in a season of financial comfort. My family is not unbelievably wealthy or anything of that matter; but we can pay our bills and live comfortably and even go on the occasional shopping spree. Before I left for school I worked my tail off at my job saving for things I wanted and my family couldn't afford to replace (such as: my laptop and other useful electronics). I worked because I felt I was helping myself climb out of the financial rut my family had found ourselves in. Then, the unthinkable happened and March 15th 2012 my father was killed in a car crash. I could not fathom how my family would make it. We would have to move out of the house we have lived in for 15 years, we had no car, my little brother's high school years were growing comsumingly busy and my mom would be gone to work. I would have to give up my newfound freedom and move back home with my family. My worries felt insurmountable.

The next part of my story will raise some suspicion for some of you reading this but at the darkest most fear stricken months of my life, God provided for us. Now, I am not trying to sound uber religious and make this entire blog about christian cliches, because quite frankly, I hate to read hollow words nor would I take the time to write them here. So, with that being said I will continue with my story. After my father died, people began coming out of the woodwork to hold my family. Flight attendants from my mother's airline calling weekly to check on her and see how she was doing. My fathers friends flooding my house fixing and taking care of everything they could: our broken down fence, our uninsulated walls, the hole in the ceiling from the time my mom fell through the attic (funny story actually!). My father's trusted work friends came over and faithfully took care of our finances where my father left off. We were a puzzle that had been shattered apart. We were paralyzed, but people stopped there lives to come and bless us. To hold us while we cried, to listen while we told stories. They were the hands of love that helped nurse us until we could stand on our own again.

Quite frankly, I never got to thank those people. I was so overwhelmed at all that was happening, so used to being the family that gave and not the family that desperately needed help...that I was numb to the world. I was in shock, broken and bleeding for months and months. My mind was elsewhere...somewhere between unbearable loss and vulnerability. Somewhere, I was alive but could feel nothing at all.

My point in telling this story isn't for reminiscing purposes but a few others. First off, if you are reading this and took any part in holding us after my father died...I am indebted to you. You will never know how much the love you showed meant to us. Never. And we still...6 months later feel your love. I wish words were enough to express that. Second: For the first time in years I can finally sleep knowing the burden of finances do not lay so heavy on my mother. I have been enjoying life on this side of the world so much I have forgotten that every thing we have in our lives is a blessing. The things I have been blessed with are not for me to hoard from the world. Rather, I have been shown grace to show grace to others. There should never be a point in my life where my fear of life going black again overshadows my purpose and duty to the world. That's what I am working on right now. Hopefully, my story helps you today in some way. Weather you have experienced a similar situation or not. Walk away with this at least: regardless of where you are in your life, you have a purpose and a duty to the world around you. Our lives are too short to hoard.

Monday September 24, 2012
Its been about two weeks that I have been here in Arkansas. I knew coming here would be hard. I knew coming here would cost me my comfort...but I don't think I expected it to be like this. Each day is  scheduled full of things to do...meetings, classes, internships, dinners with host homes, social gatherings, and church events...they are all fun, all amazing...and all absolutely mandatory. I don't have a problem doing any of these things, I think sometimes I just wish I had some time for myself...to relax, to be adventurous to be by myself. I want to keep up, I want to be able to maintain all that I am learning here but I just feel overwhelmed. I want the change to be faster than it is, I want the healing to hurt less than it does, I want this new reality to be more comfortable... but no change, no transformation is pleasant at the time. Thats what Im learning...to just keep moving forward, to take each day as it comes to me...because to be quite honest..9 months of this seems like absolute hell. But if I take each day as it comes at me, I find myself feeling less overwhelmed, less tired and more energy and joy for the moment. I have no idea what is going to become of my life. But I do know that amongst my big dreams of travels and adventures there is no other place I am suppost to be but here in Arkansas. Its frustrating, its hard but I am in the palm of God's hand and wrestle as I may...there is no other place i'd rather be.

I lost myself. I did it  on purpose. I did it so that I could find myself again.